About an Abstract; Attributed to Amsterdam

Personnel: Tom
Location: Amsterdam
Type of Recliner:  A plastic garden deckchair
Reason for Lounge: Near death experiences
Relative Comfort Rating: 2/5

There is a distinct hierarchy which can be plainly on the streets of the Netherlands. Top of the list is the tram. All fear them. No one fucks with a tram or you’d soon catch a rather nasty bout of death.

Next come bicycles. It’s fascinating to see natural selection in action here as bikes seem to have lost the need for breaks but developed a necessity for continuously ringing bells.

On the next rung down of this hierarchical structure would be cars. The Dutch really display their German heritage with their driving styles by stripping away several things deemed as unnecessary… such as indicators and road markings. They remain purely for decoration. Also, when a driver decides he or she wishes to maneuver it is up to all others on the road to give way, regardless of speed and how many lanes said driver may be cutting across to get to their destination. On top of this, bikes are the automobile drivers worst enemy. I think there’s some kind of national game as to how close you can get to hitting one without actually knocking them off.

Then, here at the lowest level, is the humble pedestrian. It is our responsibility to have eyes everywhere to make sure you don’t die from an variant of tram, car & bike collision. This would be made easier if one sticks to the pavement, you may well say. Well, yes, except someone decided it was a good idea to build all the roads, pavements and bike lanes on one level out of one kind of brick… To make sure you are in the right place, one must differentiate between the direction the the lay of the stones in the part of the road you are walking, and even then you still have to watch out for the occasional bike, to whom pseudo-street markings and huge crowds of tourists are seen as a challenge to be overcome.

Amsterdam is a marvelous city, but seriously, they could do with a couple of while lines on the road at least!