The Clubcard Chronicals

Personnel: Tom
Location: Local Park
Type of Recliner:  Bench
Reason for Lounge: Waiting
Relative Comfort Rating: 3/5

By way of an introduction to this: I get quite excited learning about the inner working of huge international brands. I know it probably sounds really sad, but I love learning about Disney and I remember trying to learn all i could about the Tesco clubcard system when it launched years ago. I thought about this at the time and i reminded myself about it today, so thought i would share it.

The clubcard system essentially tracks what you, as an individual, buy in any Tesco anywhere in the country. Of course, it’s a loyalty thing, because by building up points you can make savings and they can recommend deals and additional products to you. It’s pretty clever really - not mind blowing, i’ll give you that - but smart none the less.

More interesting, is that they can track spending trends across all their customers and thus stock stores and direct local promotions more efficiently.

But, however you look at it, this starts with the individual, and this information must be stored somewhere, which Tesco presumably can and do access. If one were to look at someones spending history it would create a little story of our life. What we buy and how we buy it unwittingly demonstrates a lot about ourselves and how we live.

So here was my plan…

Sign up a brand new Tesco clubcard (in a different name) and go in regularly and purchase microwave dinners for one for about a month. Then go in an buy a box of chocolates and a large expensive bunch of flowers. A few days later go in and buy a box of condoms.

Leave it about 2 weeks and then go in a buy a pregnancy test.

An hour later go in and buy a carving knife, black bin bags, rubber gloves, a large bottle of bleach and a shovel.

Then never go back.

Anyone that happens to look at my store history is gunna freak.